Comprehensive Guide on What to Wear to a Wake Respectfully

Attending a wake requires dressing in a way that honors the solemnity of the occasion while showing respect to the grieving family. If you’re wondering what to wear to a wake, it’s important to choose attire that is both modest and subdued. Typically, this means wearing darker, neutral colors such as black, gray, or navy, and opting for conservative styles.

Your outfit should reflect the tone of the gathering while providing comfort for the occasion. This guide will offer tips on respectful wake attire for both men and women, ensuring you’re appropriately dressed for this important event.

General Guidelines for Wake Attire

When attending a wake, the priority is to show respect and sensitivity to the grieving family and the solemn nature of the occasion. The way you dress should reflect this, focusing on modesty, subdued colors, and appropriate styles. Here are some essential guidelines for choosing what to wear to a wake:

1. Conservative and Respectful

The attire you choose for a wake should be modest and conservative. Avoid anything too revealing or flashy, as the goal is to keep the focus on the family and the deceased, not your outfit. Clothing should not be too tight or short, and opt for outfits that cover shoulders and knees to maintain decorum.

2. Subdued Colors

Traditionally, darker tones such as black, gray, navy, and dark brown are considered appropriate for wakes, as they symbolize mourning and respect. While black is often the most common color, other neutral tones are also suitable, especially if the wake is slightly less formal. Bright colors, loud patterns, and bold designs should be avoided as they can be distracting or seen as disrespectful.

3. Avoid Casual Wear

Wakes generally call for more formal attire, meaning casual items such as jeans, t-shirts, shorts, or overly relaxed clothing should be avoided. Even if the wake is not strictly formal, it’s important to elevate your attire out of respect. Opt for dress pants, skirts, or dresses in somber colors, and pair them with appropriate shoes.

4. Comfort is Key

Wakes often last several hours, with moments of standing, sitting, and possibly attending a church service or graveside ceremony. It’s important to wear comfortable yet appropriate clothing that allows for movement and comfort throughout the event. Shoes should also be practical, avoiding overly high heels or casual footwear such as sandals.

For Men

When attending a wake, it’s essential for men to choose attire that is respectful, modest, and suited to the solemn tone of the event. Here are some key guidelines on what to wear for men:

1. Dark-Colored Suits

The most traditional and widely accepted attire for men at a wake is a dark-colored suit. Black is the classic choice, but dark navy, charcoal gray, or even dark brown are appropriate alternatives. The suit should be simple and understated, without bold patterns or bright accents. Opt for a well-fitted suit to maintain a clean and respectful appearance.

2. Dress Shirts

Underneath the suit, men should wear a button-up dress shirt in a neutral color. A classic white or light gray shirt is ideal, as these colors maintain a formal, conservative look. Avoid bright or vibrant shirt colors, and stick to more muted tones. The shirt should be pressed and clean to reflect the respectful nature of the occasion.

3. Ties

A tie is optional depending on the formality of the wake, but it is generally recommended to complete the outfit. Choose a tie in dark, solid colors such as black, gray, or navy, or opt for a simple, subtle pattern like stripes or small dots. The goal is to keep the tie understated and respectful, avoiding any flashy or distracting designs.

4. Dress Pants

For a slightly more casual wake, if a full suit isn’t necessary, wearing dark-colored dress pants paired with a button-up shirt is an appropriate alternative. The pants should be well-tailored and fit comfortably, avoiding overly casual fabrics like jeans or chinos. Stick to formal materials such as wool or cotton blends.

5. Footwear

Polished dress shoes are the best option for men attending a wake. Black or brown leather shoes are ideal, but the most important aspect is that they are clean and appropriate for a formal setting. Avoid casual shoes such as sneakers, loafers, or sandals. Dark socks should also be worn to maintain a cohesive, formal look.

6. Casual but Respectful Alternatives

If the wake is more informal, such as a casual gathering or a celebration of life, it’s still important to remain respectful. In these instances, dark slacks paired with a collared shirt (like a polo or button-up) and polished shoes can be suitable. Ensure that even in casual settings, the attire maintains a level of respectfulness and decorum.

For Women

When attending a wake, women’s attire should reflect the solemnity of the occasion while being respectful and modest. The goal is to avoid drawing attention to oneself and instead focus on showing empathy and support for the grieving family. Here are key considerations for women when choosing what to wear to a wake:

1. Conservative Dresses

• The most traditional option for women is a conservative dress in dark or muted tones. Black, navy, gray, or dark brown are the most appropriate colors, as they reflect the somber tone of the event. The dress should have a modest neckline and cover the shoulders, with the hemline ideally falling at or below the knee.
• Avoid dresses that are too revealing, tight, or short. Dresses with long sleeves or three-quarter sleeves are ideal for maintaining modesty and appropriateness for the occasion.

2. Skirts and Blouses

• If not opting for a dress, skirts and blouses are another suitable choice for women. Again, the skirt should be knee-length or longer, and it should be in dark, neutral colors. Blouses should be modest, avoiding low-cut necklines, bright colors, or bold patterns.
• Choose blouses with sleeves or pair a sleeveless blouse with a cardigan or shawl to maintain an appropriate look. Avoid anything too casual, such as T-shirts or graphic tops.

3. Pantsuits or Tailored Slacks

• Pantsuits or tailored slacks paired with a formal blouse are perfectly acceptable for women at a wake. Opt for dark, muted colors such as black, gray, or navy, and ensure the pants are tailored and not too casual. Slacks should be professional and modest in style, and they can be paired with a matching blazer or cardigan.
• Pantsuits offer a professional and elegant alternative to dresses and skirts, especially if the weather is cooler or if the setting is more formal.

4. Footwear

• Closed-toe shoes are the most appropriate footwear for women attending a wake. Black flats or low-heeled pumps are ideal, as they strike a balance between comfort and formality. While high heels can be worn, they should be conservative and not overly high to maintain an understated look.
• Avoid casual footwear such as sandals, sneakers, or flip-flops, even if the wake is held in a more relaxed setting. Comfort is important, especially if you’ll be standing for long periods, so opt for shoes that are both respectful and comfortable.

5. Accessories

• Accessories should be kept to a minimum. Small, simple pieces of jewelry such as a pair of stud earrings or a delicate necklace are acceptable. Avoid large or flashy jewelry that may draw attention. Scarves, shawls, or a modest handbag can also be added to the outfit, but these should be understated in style and color.
• Avoid large handbags or statement pieces, and if you’re bringing a purse, keep it small and neutral.

6. Makeup and Hair

• Makeup for a wake should be kept natural and understated. Avoid bold lipstick, heavy eyeliner, or glittery eyeshadows, as these may be considered inappropriate for a somber occasion. Stick to neutral tones and a minimalist approach.
• Hair should be neat and tidy. If you typically wear your hair down, consider a simple style that keeps it out of your face. If you’re wearing an updo, avoid overly styled or elaborate designs. Keep your look simple and respectful.

7. Jackets and Outerwear

• If the wake is held during cooler weather, it’s important to consider your outerwear. A dark-colored coat or jacket is appropriate, but avoid anything too casual such as denim or leather jackets. Trench coats, pea coats, or tailored blazers are suitable options that complement the rest of your outfit without drawing attention.